James Potter is a Meddlesome Prat
by ChudleyCanons
Summary: When James Potter finds out that Sirius is in love with their fellow marauder, Remus Lupin, he is determined to get them together. But first he needs answers. He turns to his old friend Zonko's for help. Wolfstar, R/S.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey, this is my first foray into Wolfstar or any HP writing even though it is my main fandom and all I ever read. I just always thought I wouldn't do it justice, you know? But this is something I did out of boredom and then thought...hey...why not share it? So I found this survey on the internet and answered as if I was Sirius. The survey was not written by me or for fanfic so some of the questions are pretty random but I answered them all as part of the challenge. Of course I had to tweak some of them to make them wizarding and not muggle.**

**Back story: So James knows Sirius is in love with Remus. He wants to find out if Remus loves him too and get them together so he makes sure he wins a bet and as a reward he makes them all play this game he bought from Zonko's with quills that don't allow lies and questions that will tell him all he needs to know. They are in seventh year. You will gather this in the actual questions but I thought you should know.**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are in no way mine. Nor is anything else HP related. Except a ridiculous amount of merchandise.**

**ZONKO'S JOKE SHOP PRESENTS**

**Quash-Lie Quills and Humiliating Spills!**

**GET THE EMBARRASSING TRUTHS OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS WITH THIS UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL SURVEY!**

**TEN WHATS:**

**1.** **What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?: **

"What day is it?"

**2.** **What did you do last night?: **

Planned our Christmas prank with the marauders, went to the owlery with Moony, stole food from the kitchens with Moony.

**3.** **What is the most important part of your life right now?: **

Well I am guessing old Googly would want me to say my NEWTs right at this point but honestly? I think the question is more 'who' than 'what'.

**4. What would you rather be doing right now?: **

Realistically? Talking with Remus up in the Astronomy tower. We do sometimes. They are my favourite nights. But if I could choose anything? Then we wouldn't just be talking.

**5. What did you last cry over?:**

Wow these are personal questions huh? I'm going to fucking kill James for these bloody Quash-lies Quills. I cried last because unrequited love sucks and my best mate found out my secret. Happy?

**6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset?:**

A hug from my friends. A smile from Moony. Though that can make me just as miserable as it can make me happy I guess. Oh DAMN THESE QUILLS. 

**7. What are your plans tomorrow?:**

I believe we have some prank prep to do tomorrow. Last Christmas and all, has to be good! 

**9. What are you worried about?:**

Remus finding out. And finding it too hard to be around me.

**10. What are you looking forward to most in this week?:**

Friday is the day of the prank! And then Saturday when most students go home and I stay here. Just me and Remus here this holiday.

**NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS:**

**1. Have you ever liked someone with a girlfriend/boyfriend?:**

He has had a girlfriend before. A couple actually.

**2. Have you ever had your heart broken? **

Yes.

**3. Have you ever played on a sports team?:**

Quidditch!

**4. Have you ever been out of the country?:**

Oh yeah, my family love to take me on lovely holidays.

**6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?:**

I...I've done the back-stabbing. I didn't mean it. I just...Snivellus...full moon. I have never been more sorry. I've been backstabbed by family.

**7. Have you ever had the aurors called on you?:**

Ha actually, surprisingly no. Not thus far. But hey, give me time, I'm working on it.

**8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you?:**

Dated is a strong word. Mindlessly snogged in order to keep up a reputation? Sure.

**9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?:**

Noooooooo! That is Moony's thing.

**EIGHT WHOS:**

**1. Who was the last person you saw?:**

Well I can still see James and Peter and Remus.

**2. Who was the last person you hugged?:**

James.

**3. Who was the last person you wrote to?: **

Remus.

**4. Who was the last person to write to you?:**

McGoogles. Detention note.

**5. Who was your first crush?:**

Merlin, I honestly don't know. Depends what you mean by the word. I've snogged a lot of girls, you know? But I guess I've never had any feelings for any of them. I reckon it's always been Remus. Ever since...well ever since fourth. Though it took me a couple of years to admit it to myself. And I wish I hadn't. Denial was less painful. James is smirking at me now. He can see me try to stop myself writing. Bloody git.

**6. Who was the last person to pass a note to you?:**

Prongs.

**7. Who is the last person you passed a note to?**

Prongs.

**8. Who did you last yell at?:**

Prongs. About these bloody quills.

**SEVEN WHENS:**

**1. When was your last shower?**

This afternoon. After Quidditch.

**2. When did you last see your mother?**

Not long enough ago.

**3. When was your last hug?:**

Two nights ago. When James found out.

**4. When did you last dress up?:**

Halloween. I was a stunning McGoogles.

**5. When was the last time you cried?:**

Two nights ago. When James found out.

**6. When did you last go out?:**

Yesterday was Hogsmeade day. This is where James got this bloody 'game' from and why he has suddenly made us all sit and do them together.

**7. When were you born?:**

20th October 1959.

**SIX WHERES:**

**1. Where does your best friend live?:**

James lives in Devonshire and Remus...you know actually he has never mentioned. I think it is somewhere near London. I have never been to his or Peter's house.

**2. Where did you last go?:**

The great hall for dinner. 

**3. Where did you last hang out?:**

Well, here in the dormitory. Duh.

**4. Where do you go to school?:**

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!

**5. Where is your favourite place to be?:**

Here. At Hogwarts. With the marauders.

**6. Where did you sleep last night?:**

In my room. In my bed. Dreaming I was in my room. In someone else's bed.

FIVE DO/DOES:

**1. Do you like someone right now?:**

For Merlin's sake, I think we have covered this already. Do you need to keep making me spell it out? Yes, alright? Yes I do. 

**2. Do they like you too?:**

No.

**3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?:**

I wish I was someone good enough for him. 

**4. Do you know the muffin man?:**

What?

**5. Does the future scare you?:**

Leaving Hogwarts scares me. There is a war brewing. Some of us could be lost.

**FOUR WHYS:**

**1. Why are you best friends with your best friends?:**

James is a brother to me. He took me in when my family wouldn't. He makes me laugh and is there for me if I need him. He plans the best pranks and when he isn't mooning over Evans, he is light-hearted and carefree. Peter is annoying. He follows James and me round like we are Merlin's gift to wizard kind. But...he is sweet and innocent and bumbling and can be a laugh. He is a marauder. Then there's Remus. He's...he's Remus, you know? He's...everything.

**2. Why did you get this game?: **

_I_ bloody well didn't. James, the prick, thought this would be a good idea, _even though_ he knows what truths are going to come from me, truths I do _not_ want people finding out. But then he won chess so I had to agree to play and now he has us all using these DARN QUILLS so that we answer truthfully and then he is going to take all our answers and read them because he is a DIRTY LITTLE SHIT. You read that Prongs? I have half a mind to make you sorry for reading this by telling you all about my very graphic dream about Remus last night. Only that would just depress me and turn me on right now and you are all here. So that would be a bad move.

**3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?:**

They are pretentious prats who think purebloods need names befitting of their 'might'. So we have astronomical names. I got Sirius because they thought I would be the brightest star of the family. I am glad I am not their brightest star. That actually turned out to be darling little Regulus.

**4. Why are you doing this survey?: **

Because James is fucking forcing us to as reward for his winning chess.

**THREE IFS:**

**1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?:**

Well I am already an Animagus and I am already generally awesome at magic. I guess it would be cool to be a metamorphmagus. Or...like, I know it is awful being a werewolf. I see the pain Moony goes through. But maybe it would help him if I were one too. Maybe he would feel less alone if he had a friend who knew exactly what he went through and went through it with him. If it would make it any degree easier for him, then I would wish to be a werewolf too.

**2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?: **

I would change that night. That night where I betrayed him. I did the worst thing I could have ever done. He could have become a killer that night and it would have eaten away at him forever. I didn't even stop to think of the consequences for him that night and I will regret it until my dying day.

**3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be?:**

My wand. Then I wouldn't be stranded. Duh.

**TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS:**

**1. Would you ever be friends with someone again, who you promised yourself you never would be because they were mean to you?:**

Bit of a generalised question. What had they done? I am used to people being mean to me. No one I cared about would be. Not if I didn't deserve it.

**2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love?:**

Obviously. Even though it would be a tragedy to rid the world of these luscious locks.

**ONE**

**1. Name a dream you wish to fulfill:**

To be good enough for him. To do something, be someone that could make him happy.

**Do you have any tattoos? : **

No.

**What's the last thing you bought? : **

A butterbeer.

**Do you have a job? If so, where?:**

No I don't.

**What was your most embarrassing moment?: **

Crying like a girl on the shoulder of my best mate.

**What is in your pockets right now?:**

My wand, 5 galleons and a dungbomb.

**What was the happiest moment in your life?:**

Well in a way...that week after that night, when Remus avoided me, was the worst week of my life. But the day he forgave me...it was the best feeling in the world to have him pull me into his arms and tell me he still loves me. Even if he didn't mean it how I like to pretend he did. It was the worst day of my life because I knew I didn't deserve his forgiveness. But it was the best as well.

**Have you ever egged a house?:**

No, that is very muggle.

**Who is your role model?:**

McGoogles of course! And old Dumbly, he is pretty legendary. And Remus. He is so strong and good even in the face of what he has to go through.

**What's your favourite holiday?:**

Christmas.

**When is the last time you stayed up all night?:**

Last full moon.

**What is your favourite book?:**

Don't tell anyone but Moony has these muggle books he loves. And I read his favourite once. Just because it was his favourite. It was called the Magician's Nephew. It was part of a series so then I read the whole series. It was such a Moony series of books, you know? Like I could almost sense him in the pages. Then I started reading these other muggle books he loved. Dickens and Shakespeare and Bronte and Austen and Gaskell and Tolkien and they all just...By Godric, James don't you ever tell anyone. Only Remus knows that I like muggle books and...it is our thing, alright? Just shut it about this one, Prongs.

**Who is your favourite author?:**

C.S. Lewis. He wrote Moony's favourite. Which is my favourite too.

**Where did you have your last birthday party?:**

In the Gryffindor common room.

**Who came?:**

Eeeeeeveryone. Well everyone in Gryffindor. And a couple of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. No Slytherins.

**Who has changed your life the most for the better?:**

James and Remus. James has given me a home and a family. Remus has made me a better man. A happier and better man. A happier and yet so much more miserable man.

**What's your favourite song atm?:**

I don't know actually. I don't listen to the WWN much. I'm not fussy really.

**Have you ever been in the hospital for more than a day?:**

Nope.

**Do you like to write poetry?:**

I wish I could.

**Do you like to read poetry?:**

Yes I do. Once, I came into the common room and Remus was reading his beloved book of Shakespeare's sonnets and he had this beautiful smile on his face. It was small, like he didn't even realise he was smiling and when I asked he said it was because it was his favourite. I asked to hear it and he looked at me like he didn't know if I was serious (he should know I am always Sirius though- hehe) but I sat down on his bed and he read it. It was beautiful. He read it so well that I am sure the words sounded even better than if Shakespeare himself had read them. And he would look up at me every so often and I pretended all the words of love were for me. When I was alone in the dormitory one day I took the book and wrote out the sonnet for myself. Now I like to read it every so often. And I remember how he read it to me that one time. As if he meant every word. Shut up, James. Please. Just...shut up.

**Have you ever written a song?: **

No.

**What's your favourite band?:**

Again, I haven't really got an extensive music knowledge. I quite like The Pumpkin Carvers.

**Who is your favourite solo singer?:**

Don't have one.

**What is your favourite inside joke you have with a friend?:**

I love how people think Remus has a badly behaved rabbit.

**Name the people who know and understand that inside joke: **

Remus, James and Peter.

**Have you ever thrown a party in which complete strangers have attended?:**

Not really, we know most of the Gryffindors, at least by sight.

**Do you look more like your mother or father?:**

My father.

**Are you an only child?:**

No.

**Do you have any brothers or sisters?:**

A brother. Dear little Regulus. Mummy's pride and joy.

**What is your favourite colour of ink to write in?: **

Black. Like me!

**How tall are you?:**

5"11. 

**What's your name again?:**

Sirius Black.

**What's your biggest fear?:**

Wow, uh...turning into my parents. Losing the Potters. Losing him. There never being a cure for Lycanthropy. People finding out about him and shunning him. Him finding out about me. Him finding someone else. Merlin, that sounds selfish. I mean, it would kill me, you know? But so does seeing him miserable. This war that is coming. If he died...if any of them died... 

**Do you believe in love at first sight?:**

No.

**What is your lucky number?:**

Uh...4? I don't know.

**Who is your favourite family member?:**

Andromeda. My cousin. Though good old Uncle Alphard is responsible for my disowning not leaving me bankrupt. 

**What is your favourite breed of dog?:**

Haha now here is a question! I hope the other three all say 'black, shaggy mongrel' or I will be SEVERELY OFFENDED.

**What is your favourite name for a dog?:**

Padfoot, of course! 

**What is your favourite name for a cat?:**

Uh...I am not a big cat person. They are fun to chase, yeah. But they look down on dogs too much. 

**Have you ever been drunk?:**

Too many times, mate.

**Have you ever gotten high?:**

Nah. 

**Have you ever been on the WWN?:**

Nope.

**What's the worst thing you've ever done?:**

We all know the answer to this one. That night. When I nearly lost him forever.

**What's your favourite quote?:**

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

**What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?:**

Chocolate. When I have chocolate, Moons always asks for some and I always say no and then he always does the pleading eyes and then I always give him some and then he always smiles.

**Who do you wish you were talking to right now?:**

James. So I could tell him HOW MUCH I HATE HIM RIGHT NOW.

**Do you have any nicknames that you liked that your friends no longer use?:**

I'm still Padfoot. That will never die! Sometimes Remus calls me Pads. I like that. James calls me Padders when he is trying to cheer me up. My mother used to call me 'useless scum' and other variations. Oh how I miss those sweet pet names...

**Who is your hero?: **

Is that really different from role model? Remus. Because of the aforementioned reasons of all he goes through and still manages to be the best and strongest person I know.

**What is your favourite day of the week?:**

Saturday. Isn't everyone's?

**What is your least favourite day of the week?:**

Monday. Again….isn't that universal?

**Do you like rain?:**

Rain is so fun when I can transform and then shake myself off all over the others and they get so angry and chase me around but really they are laughing and it can be the most fun ever!

**What is your favourite word?:**

Um...mischief?

**If you could visit any country, where would you go?:**

I have never really had that much desire to travel. I like adventure. But I don't care where that adventure is.

**Who would you want to take with you?:**

Remus and James and Peter.

**How old do you act?:**

About 8 most of the time. That is what Moons says anyway.

**How old is your best friend?:**

17. 

**When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?:**

A Gryffindor.

**What do you want to be now?:**

An Auror.

**Do you think you were an adorable little kid?:**

I don't think, I know!

**What were the names of your imaginary friends?:**

I didn't have any. 

**Do you have any knuts sitting on your desk?:**

Nope.  
><strong><br>What is the most unique thing about your bedroom?: **

Uh….I share it with a werewolf, a rat and a stag.

**What colour is your pillow case?:**

Gryffindor red, baby!

**What are you thinking about right now?:**

How best to kill James.

**When was the last time you brushed your teeth?:**

This morning.

**Do you have a girl/boyfriend?:**

No.

**What is his/her name?:**

I said I didn't have one and I think you could have gathered this from my answers THROUGHOUT this BLOODY POINTLESS GAME.

**How long have you been together?:**

James you better be scared right now. You put me through this deliberately? 

**Do you love him/her?:**

I know you just saw my eyes, James. You saw what this is doing to me. This is the question that did it. I wish I knew why you were doing this. Remus saw too, you know. He did his concerned forehead crinkle. You bastard.

**How long was your longest crush?:**

It has been years. I don't know if that even counts. It...I think we all know it has well surpassed crush.

**How old were you when you lost your virginity?:**

I haven't.

**What is your favourite emotion?:**

Love. Requited love. I wish I had it.

**What is the stupidest thing you've ever heard somebody say?:**

Ha that time Wormtail couldn't remember the 5 signs of recognising a werewolf.

**What annoys you the most?:**

Fleas

**Who annoys you the most?: **

Snivellus, my family...James.

**Do you know any gay people?**

James I saw you smirking a couple of seconds ago and now I think I know why, you absolute UNICORN TURD. Other than myself, NO I FUCKING WELL DON'T.

**Where did you meet them?:**

Shut up.

**How long have you known them?:**

And again.

**What's your favourite season?:**

Autumn. It means coming back to Hogwarts.

**What's your favourite subject in school?:**

DADA.

**What's your least favourite subject in school?:**

Uh...that I have ever done? Divination. What a load of shit that was. I just kept seeing these floaty bits of drapery. Like that means anything.

**Who is your all-time favourite teacher?:**

McGoogles has my heart! Hey, what d'you know, the quills allow sarcasm.

**What is your best friend's birthday?:**

Both James and Remus are in March. Remus on the 10th and James on the 27th.

**What is your favourite flavour of Bertie Botts Beans?:**

Uh...I'm not really a huge fan. Maybe strawberries and cream?

**Would you rather have friendship or love?:**

I'd rather have both with the same perfect werewolf.

**What makes you nervous?:**

Serious (har har) conversations.

**Describe yourself in five words:**

Ooo um...Brave, loyal, outgoing, adventurous...smitten.

**If you knew the truth was gonna hurt you would you still wanna hear it?:**

I think the right answer is yes. But why do you think I haven't told Remus?

**Do long distance relationships work?:**

Depends on the couple.

**Would you change yourself to make someone else happy?:**

I'm trying to.

**What one thing makes you happy?:**

My friends.

**What phrase or saying do you use the most?:**

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Mischief managed. Some joke revolving around my name.

**What would you do with a million galleons?:**

Nothing really. Buy a suitable house and then invest in a cure for lycanthropy.

**If your house was burning down and you could only take one thing with you, what would you take?:**

Excluding my wand? My photos of us at Hogwarts. The map as well, if I had it.

**Who is the biggest flirt you know?:**

Ha, probably me.

**Are you glad this survey is over?:**

Yes. I want to kill James now.

**ONE LAST LITTLE GAME:**

**Can you name 20 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people.  
><strong>

Remus Lupin

Peter Pettigrew

James Potter

Lily Evans

Snivellus

Frank Longbottom

McGoogles

Dumbledore

Marlene McKinnon

Regulus Black

Andromeda Tonks

Orion Black

Walburga Black

Fabion Prewitt

Gideon Prewitt

Ted Tonks

Trelawney

Mr Potter

Mrs Potter

Bellatrix Black

**THE QUESTIONS:**

• **How did you meet number 10?  
><strong>Regulus. Was born into the same wretched family as me.

**• What would you do if 20 and 17 dated?**

Trelawney and Bellatrix? Be torn between laughing my arse off and being sick all over the place.

• **If you could marry either 7 or 18 who would it be?**  
>Ha Mc-G or Mr Potter? McGoogles of course! My heart is hers, always!<p>

• **Have you ever seen 4 cry?**

Evans? Yes. Angry tears.

**• Would 4 and 12 make a good couple?**

Evans and my bastard father? NO! Sick thought.

• **Would number 1 and 20 make a good couple?**

My Remus and that bitch? If that ever happened...I...I...there would be death. Painful death. And tears. And vomit.

• **Describe 8:**

No way I can describe the Big D. How can you? He is practically just this massive beard of wisdom.

• **Do you like 12?**

My father, no.

• **Tell me something about 17:**

Trelawney is crazy.

• **What's 7's favourite colour?**

Ah my dear McGonagall. Green? I actually just made that up. I don't know.

• **What would you do if 1 just confessed they like you?**

Is this whole game against me? How has he come up so many times? I'd...I'd not believe it. And if he...Merlin if he meant it. I'm not sure I would be able to stand, or speak, or breathe. Godric, my heart is thumping so loud now that I am sure the others can hear me across the room. James has finished already and he is...he is watching me. I hope he can hear my thoughts as I threaten him with my eyes right now. My heart is beating like he really did just confess the impossible. James when you read this...none of this helped me with this whole thing. And yesterday you said you wanted to help. I don't understand why you did this. 

• **When was the last time you talked to number 15?**

Gideon. I think I said hello in the corridor once when I was in like second year.

• **How do you think 19 feels about you?**

Mrs Potter. I hope I can be a second son to her. She is the only mother I have ever had.

• **What language does 13 speak?**

My mother speaks Pureblood drivel.

**• What year is 16 in?**

Ted was in Andy's year. They are a few years older than me, I forget how many.

• **What is 6's favourite music?**

Frank? You know, I could not tell you. 

• **Would you ever date 3?**

Over my dead body. James? I think I would rather the Giant Squid. No offense, mate.

• **Is 10 single?**

Regulus? How should I know or care?

• **What is 11's last name?**

Andromeda Tonks these days! Good for her.

• **Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 7?**

I have been trying to get my darling Minerva to accept my hand for years!

• **Where does 18 live?**

Mr Potter lives in Devonshire.

• **What do you think about 20?**

Bellatrix. I hate her.

**•What is the best thing about 4?  
><strong>Evans...she loves our Prongsie.

•** What would you like to tell 14 right now?**

Fabian... I would congratulate him on his classic prank of '74.

• **How did you meet 9?**

Marlene was a Gryffindor. There was some meaningless snogging in a broom cupboard.

**• What is the best and worst thing about 2?  
>Best thing: <strong>Peter. He is one of us.**  
>Worst thing: <strong>He needs to grow a pair.

• **Are you going to know 3 forever?**

James Potter is my soul brother. (Not now though. Now he is my ENEMY)

•**Would you ask number 5 out ?**

Snivellus? Excuse me while I kill myself at the thought.

• **What word comes into your head when you think of number 9?**

Gryffindor.

**AN: So...there we have it! If you want more, if enough people ask, I will do Remus's answers as well. And then if THAT does well then maybe I will write about what actually happens next. But yeah. We will see. I hope I got Sirius right. And for any Shoeboxers reading this, there are a few references in there that I put in just for you! Also this doccument is a mess and I don't know how to solve that...so I apologise if it is hard to read. It is so neat and lovely on the word document!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still none of this is mine. Not the characters, not the location, not even the questions.**

**AN: OK I hope this is OK. I felt Remus would be a lot less dramatic and lovesick than Sirius and also a lot newer to and uncertain about his feelings. His whole way of life is focused on burying bad emotions and pretending they are not there after all. Besides, he has the whole werewolf problem to angst over as well.**

**ZONKO'S JOKE SHOP PRESENTS**

**Quash-Lie Quills and Humiliating Spills!**

**GET THE EMBARRASSING TRUTHS OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS WITH THIS UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL SURVEY!**

**TEN WHATS:**

**1.** **What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?:**

"I am starving."

**2.** **What did you do last night?:**

Mentally shook my head at myself for helping plan yet another prank. Though as our pranks go, this one is going to be pretty good. Sent a letter to my parents. Sirius came with me. Then we had a snack in the kitchen.

**3.** **What is the most important part of your life right now?: **

Passing my NEWTs.

**4. What would you rather be doing right now?: **

Be up in the Astronomy Tower with Sirius. Just the two of us. We go there and talk sometimes when we can't sleep. Well when I can't sleep. I suspect he just pretends he can't so I don't feel bad about him keeping me company. He is such a good friend. I wish...that that wasn't all. Shit. James, please don't read these. I beg you. And don't tell him. Please. Merlin, don't hate me. This is your fault for making us use these quills! Oh Godric, James, please. Don't read any more. I'm afraid of what else might be asked.

**5. What did you last cry over?:**

The latest attempt at a lycanthropy cure failed and I got three new scars on my back, all in one week.

**6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset?:**

My friends. Seeing them transform for me. Remembering all the times when I have woken up in the Hospital Wing after a full moon and seen Sirius sitting there, waiting for me to wake up so he can ask how I am.

**7. What are your plans tomorrow?:**

James and Sirius have some prank preparation to do and no doubt they will try and get me to help and I will refuse but give in once Sirius does his Padfoot eyes.

**9. What are you worried about?:**

James reading this and finding out about my feelings and mocking me or hating me or telling him. And about what these feelings even are and what they mean.

**10. What are you looking forward to most in this week?:**

Friday evening when this prank will be done and dusted. Though honestly, I am a little intrigued to see it done. After that James and Peter are going home. I don't know whether I am looking forward to being alone with Pads or not.

**NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS:**

**1. Have you ever liked someone with a girlfriend/boyfriend?:**

I...I wouldn't call them girlfriends.

**2. Have you ever had your heart broken? **

Yes.

**3. Have you ever played on a sports team?:**

No.

**4. Have you ever been out of the country?:**

I have been to France.

**6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?:**

Well...no. There was that time...but he didn't mean it. So it wasn't really back-stabbing. I thought it was at the time. I was devastated. But he...I know how much he regrets it.

**7. Have you ever had the aurors called on you?:**

No, thank Merlin. But with friends like these, it is only a matter of time.

**8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you?:**

Mary was a few months younger.

**9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?:**

Yes.

**EIGHT WHOS:**

**1. Who was the last person you saw?:**

I am in the same room as Peter, Sirius and James.

**2. Who was the last person you hugged?:**

Lily.

**3. Who was the last person you wrote to?: **

My parents.

**4. Who was the last person to write to you?:**

My parents.

**5. Who was your first crush?:**

Mary McDonald in fourth year.

**6. Who was the last person to pass a note to you?:**

Padfoot.

**7. Who is the last person you passed a note to?**

Padfoot.

**8. Who did you last yell at?:**

Sirius. He cavorted about in the rain and then turned into Padfoot and shook himself all over me.

**SEVEN WHENS:**

**1. When was your last shower?**

This morning.

**2. When did you last see your mother?**

The end of the summer holidays.

**3. When was your last hug?:**

Three days ago when Lily was told about my furry little problem.

**4. When did you last dress up?:**

Halloween last year when the other three forced cat ears on me and gave me a tail for hours! I got them back for that though. And somehow managed to dodge this year.

**5. When was the last time you cried?:**

The day after full moon. But no one saw me. James, please don't tell.

**6. When did you last go out?:**

Went to Hogsmeade yesterday. Hence this humiliating game of Prongs's.

**7. When were you born?:**

10th March 1960.

**SIX WHERES:**

**1. Where does your best friend live?:**

James and Sirius live together in Devonshire but Sirius used to live in London. I think he is trying to get a flat or something of his own for when we leave in the summer. Peter, from what I can gather, lives near the sea somewhere.

**2. Where did you last go?:**

Dinner.

**3. Where did you last hang out?:**

Um, here? In our bedroom.

**4. Where do you go to school?:**

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

**5. Where is your favourite place to be?:**

With my friends. At Hogwarts, where I have been accepted.

**6. Where did you sleep last night?:**

In my bed.

**FIVE DO/DOES:**

**1. Do you like someone right now?:**

Yes.

**2. Do they like you too?:**

No.

**3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?:**

Every day. I am a plain, scarred, boring werewolf. What do I have that he could ever want?

**4. Do you know the muffin man?:**

Wait, isn't that a muggle thing?

**5. Does the future scare you?:**

More than anything. I could get all Os in my NEWTs and still never get a job. Who is going to hire me? No one wants a werewolf. I don't know what I will do for money. I am fully prepared to be a poor and probably homeless nobody for the rest of my days. Leaving here means leaving all my hope behind.

**FOUR WHYS:**

**1. Why are you best friends with your best friends?:**

They accept me. They don't care what I am, they don't think any differently of me for it. They did what no ordinary friends would do for me. They stuck by me, they broke a law for me and they risk their lives once a month just to make it easier for me. How could I not love them? Plus, they are good people, despite how they may act for the crowds.

**2. Why did you get this game?:**

Clearly, I didn't. James won the chess tournament we had going (don't know how...I have some reasons to believe there was foul play involved) and he said this is what he wanted as a reward. James...why? Did you want to find out embarrassing things? Do you not know enough of my darkest secrets? You really wanted this one too? I've hardly had time to get used to it myself and you already needed to drag it out of me?

**3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?:**

That is a very good question. It is ironic really, isn't it? Turns out I am named after a fictional character who gets raised by wolves. Almost too coincidental to believe, right? I think they actually just liked the name though.

**4. Why are you doing this survey?: **

Didn't I just answer this question?

**THREE IFS:**

**1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?:**

To NOT be a werewolf? Does that even count?

**2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?: **

I would change the night I was bitten. I would stay indoors that night I couldn't sleep and not wander outside. I would be a normal boy now. With a future to look forward to.

**3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be?:**

My wand.

**TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS:**

**1. Would you ever be friends with someone again, who you promised yourself you never would be because they were mean to you?:**

I have done. I promised myself I was done with being Sirius's friend after he...after that night. But of course I was never going to succeed with that. These feelings for him didn't even exist then. But he was still Sirius. I could never have actually lost him. Not through choice.

**2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love?:**

If anyone said no to this then it is not love.

**ONE**

**1. Name a dream you wish to fulfill:**

To earn a living. Have a career. And not out of pity either. A career I earned and that I enjoy. And...to get over him. This. These stupid, new feelings.

**Do you have any tattoos? : **

No.

**What's the last thing you bought? :**

A new pot of ink.

**Do you have a job? If so, where?:**

No.

**What was your most embarrassing moment?: **

When my friends found out what I was. They found me shivering and scarred and weak in the hospital wing. It was the first time they had seen my scars, my face was unmarked back then, and I could not look at them for fear of seeing disgust.

**What is in your pockets right now?:**

My wand and the map.

**What was the happiest moment in your life?:**

In fifth year, on my sixteenth birthday Sirius came down to the common room and asked if I could follow him so that they could all show me something they had been working on for my present. When he opened the door there was a stag standing in the middle of the room with a rat perched on his antlers. Sirius turned to me and said "Moony, I would like you to meet Prongs and Wormtail. We did some research. Turns out werewolves can be tamed into quite harmless wolves if they have animal company. No more self harm and no more waking up alone. We will be with you for every single one." And he turned into a dog before my very eyes and gazed up at me fondly. I cried right then. In front of all of them. It was the bravest and kindest and most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. And I will love them until the day I die.

**Have you ever egged a house?:**

No, please don't give the others ideas.

**Who is your role model?:**

Dumbledore. He let me in when no one else would. I hope I can grow to be more like him. And my friends. They accepted me. Especially Sirius. He really cares. He pretends not to a lot of the time but...he is my best friend. Even if I am not his.

**What's your favourite holiday?:**

Christmas. Hogwarts looks so beautiful at Christmas. And Sirius always looks so happy and excited on Christmas morning. Like an overgrown puppy. It is nice to see him like that. He has been through a lot with his family. I like to see him so carefree.

**When is the last time you stayed up all night?: **

Last full moon.

**What is your favourite book?:**

The Magician's Nephew. It is from a muggle series of books about a land called Narnia. I love the whole series, I reread it every summer when I am at home but I love that first one the most. It is about hope when at first it was thought lost. About healing a disease thought fatal. About someone loving someone so much it heals them.

**Who is your favourite author?:**

C.S. Lewis. He wrote it. And Shakespeare. Though I guess he is more of a playwright and poet.

**Where did you have your last birthday party?:**

In the Gryffindor common room.

**Who came?:**

Well the whole of Gryffindor thanks to Padfoot and Prongs. They are obsessed with parties. It was my seventeenth so of course they took that a permission to get me very drunk. I am rather ashamed to admit they nearly succeeded. If it wasn't for my werewolf metabolism I would have been completely gone. As it was though, I gained quite a bit of admiration from the lot of them that night. I 'forgot' to tell them that my ability to hold my drink is the wolf in me and not actually my own skill.

**Who has changed your life the most for the better?:**

Dumbledore and the marauders. For reasons I have already mentioned. And Sirius gets a special mention. Because he has his own troubles. But never fails to have time for me.

**What's your favourite song atm?:**

I am a jazz fan. Any Benny Goodman song is good for me.

**Have you ever been in the hospital for more than a day?:**

Yes. Occupational hazard of being a werewolf.

**Do you like to write poetry?:**

Yes I do but I am no Shakespeare.

**Do you like to read poetry?:**

I love it. Shakespeare's sonnets I particularly love. Especially sonnet 116. I read it to Sirius once. Last year. At the time I didn't think much of it but now I replay it in my mind. He was looking at me so intensely. Like I was the only thing that mattered in the whole world and like that sonnet was the most beautiful song to his ears. I don't know if he even remembers it but now I love it even more because it reminds me of him.

**Have you ever written a song?: **

No.

**What's your favourite band?:**

I do not have one. My father loves this muggle band called the Beatles. I quite like them I suppose.

**Who is your favourite solo singer?:**

Benny Goodman.

**What is your favourite inside joke you have with a friend?:**

Pads is always teasing me about my love of proper grammar. And I always tease him about being illiterate. He likes to call me 'Professor Lupin' just to point out my love of books and sometimes jokes about how I will probably end up as a librarian one day. I get him back normally about how he is just a messy, slobbery, over-excited mongrel.

**Name the people who know and understand that inside joke: **

Sirius. Well the others would understand but it is only really him who teases me like that.

**Have you ever thrown a party in which complete strangers have attended?:**

Not personally.

**Do you look more like your mother or father?:**

My mother, I think.

**Are you an only child?:**

Yes.

**Do you have any brothers or sisters?:**

Isn't that the same question?

**What is your favourite colour of ink to write in?: **

Black.

**How tall are you?:**

5"10.

**What's your name again?:**

Remus Lupin.

**What's your biggest fear?:**

My friends deciding being friends with a werewolf is not worth it. My friends finding out how I feel about Sirius and finding it awkward to be around me. Lycanthropy never being cured. Being poor and homeless and unemployed for the rest of my life.

**Do you believe in love at first sight?:**

No.

**What is your lucky number?:**

I do not have one.

**Who is your favourite family member?:**

My mother. Though I do love my father. I think he just finds it a little awkward to talk to me after...you know. He tries to hide it and we get on very well. But every now and then...I can see him remember what I am and there is this tiny flicker of fear and uncertainty behind his eyes. I guess I can only be grateful he loves me despite that and that he tries so hard to hide his discomfort from me.

**What is your favourite breed of dog?:**

The big, black, scruffy kind, of course!

**What is your favourite name for a dog?:**

Well how could it not be Padfoot? Though I do always try and convince him that Snuffles would be an excellent name for him instead.

**What is your favourite name for a cat?:**

Cats do not like me. I think they can sense the wolf in me and tend to steer clear. I reckon I would call one Aslan though, after the lion in my favourite book.

**Have you ever been drunk?:**

I have been on the verge.

**Have you ever gotten high?:**

No.

**Have you ever been on the WWN?:**

No.

**What's the worst thing you've ever done?:**

I don't know. There are quite a few pranks I should have refused to help out on.

**What's your favourite quote?:**

Oh, um...I like 'the last enemy that shall be destroyed is death'. I read it once and I know it isn't very cheerful but it is the plain truth, you know? I remember Lily and I were studying together when I read it. We talked about it for ages. It just reminds me of her now.

**What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?:**

Chocolate. I love anything if it is chocolate.

**Who do you wish you were talking to right now?:**

James, I suppose. I think I would rather explain this to him myself rather than let him find out when he reads this. I am dreading his reaction. Sirius keeps sending James death glares though, I am hoping maybe he kills him before he even has a chance to read this. Though what Sirius can have to be angry about, I have no idea. James knows everything about him. He has no painful secrets to hide. Nothing that would turn his friends against him.

**Do you have any nicknames that you liked that your friends no longer use?:**

I hope I am always Moony. At first I didn't like it because it just reminded me of what I was. But now I love it. It reminds me of what my friends did for me and what they accept about me. And when Sirius calls me Moons, it makes me feel loved. He called me Remmy once but I threatened to cut his hair off in his sleep if he did that again.

**Who is your hero?: **

These questions are very repetitive. I don't know why James was so insistent on this stupid game. My hero is Dumbledore, I wish I could have half of his wisdom. My saviours are the marauders.

**What is your favourite day of the week?:**

Saturday. I don't know what else anyone would say to this question.

**What is your least favourite day of the week?: **

Monday. Unoriginally.

**Do you like rain?:**

Yes I suppose so. Sirius loves it. Even if there are people about and he can't be Padfoot, he runs around like a maniac and then hugs you until you are dripping wet too. It is infuriating. But endearing. I like it most when I am inside, curled up by the fire with a book and I can hear it outside. Makes me feel so safe and warm.

**What is your favourite word?:**

Ludicrous.

**If you could visit any country, where would you go?:**

Italy. It is rumoured to be where lycanthropy started. They have a museum about it there. I would be interested to see it.

**Who would you want to take with you?:**

Sirius. I would love the other two there as well but somehow I feel like...Sirius would make the most jokes but also the least...you know? Like he would make it all light-hearted but at the same time, take it seriously (it isn't the same without Sirius making some crack about his name here). He knows me better than the other two do. Peter would be awkward about the whole thing and not know what to say and James would be very interested and do a good job in lightening the mood but...I don't know.

**How old do you act?:**

Much older than I am, as Sirius and James so often kindly tell me.

**How old is your best friend?:**

Pads is 18 and the other two are 17.

**When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?:**

A professor. DO NOT TELL PADS, JAMES, HE WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN.

**What do you want to be now?:**

I cannot afford to think about such things. It will only hurt more when it doesn't happen. As I now know from experience.

**Do you think you were an adorable little kid?:**

I don't know. My mother says I was but I defy you to find any mother who says otherwise about their child. Actually I can already think of one mother who would say otherwise.

**What were the names of your imaginary friends?:**

I have never had any.

**Do you have any knuts sitting on your desk?:**

No.  
><strong><br>What is the most unique thing about your bedroom?: **

The crazy fools I share it with.

**What colour is your pillow case?:**

Red. But not a silly kind of red that keeps you up at night. Darkish red.

**What are you thinking about right now?:**

I am wondering why Sirius suddenly looks like he is about to cry. Maybe he does have a reason to hate this game. I hope it is something I can help him with and not some kind of girl trouble. I can't...I don't think I could bear to hear about yet another girl of his.

**When was the last time you brushed your teeth?:**

This morning.

**Do you have a girl/boyfriend?:**

No.

**What is his/her name?:**

I just said I didn't have one.

**How long have you been together?:**

0 seconds.

**Do you love him/her?:**

They wouldhave done much better to put these all in one question so the sad people like me who are stuck loving someone from afar, do not have to sit through these questions feeling sorry for themselves and hoping against hope that Sirius or Peter's answers are so dull that James forgoes reading mine. Especially as I just wrote the word 'loving' without even thinking about it and...Merlin I didn't even _think_ about it.

**How long was your longest crush?:**

Well I liked Mary all the way through fourth year really and then I liked Dorcas Meadows for quite a bit of sixth but... truth is I don't even know when this thing with Sirius started. I don't know whether I just didn't see him like that until a few months ago or whether I did and I just didn't even realise that is what I was feeling. I realised I liked him/started to like him when I went to stay with him and James this summer. So five months ago now. And I have done very well at ignoring it and beating it down until now and my stupid brain saying stupid things like love and making all that impossible to keep doing. Maybe there was always something there, under the surface? Oh you know, what does it even matter? It needs to end.

**How old were you when you lost your virginity?:**

I haven't.

**What is your favourite emotion?:**

Happiness. And not just pleasure, I mean genuine happiness. The kind I felt when I realised I had friends who really cared for me or when Dumbledore said I could come to Hogwarts. The kind I wish I could share with Sirius. I suppose having my love returned would be my favourite. Only I wouldn't know what that feels like.

**What is the stupidest thing you've ever heard somebody say?:**

Sirius was drunk once and asked if I thought rocks have thoughts.

**What annoys you the most?:**

Poor grammar, prejudice, the number of girls Sirius has been through.

**Who annoys you the most?: **

Sirius's family. Annoys isn't really a strong enough word.

**Do you know any gay people?:**

No I don't. I...I don't think I count.

**Where did you meet them?:**

I didn't.

**How long have you known them?:**

I haven't.

**What's your favourite season?:**

Spring. I like the sound of the birds.

**What's your favourite subject in school?:**

Charms perhaps? Or Defence Against The Dark Arts.

**What's your least favourite subject in school?:**

Potions.

**Who is your all-time favourite teacher?:**

Dumbledore.

**What is your best friend's birthday?:**

Sirius's is on the 20th October and James's is on the 27th March.

**What is your favourite flavour of Bertie Botts Beans?:**

Chocolate, of course.

**Would you rather have friendship or love?:**

Love encompasses friendship, does it not? I love my friends.

**What makes you nervous?:**

Full moon. Doing this stupid survey with an enchanted quill and knowing James will read it.

**Describe yourself in five words:**

Um, quiet, forgiving, dull, scarred and tired.

**If you knew the truth was gonna hurt you would you still wanna hear it?:**

I always used to think yes. I think it is probably what is best. But I don't ever want to hear the truth from Sirius. I don't want to hear the rejection outright. So even if it is the coward's way...I am going to have to say no.

**Do long distance relationships work?:**

I don't know. Surely they can if the couple want it to.

**Would you change yourself to make someone else happy?:**

Yes. Within reason. I wouldn't become a bad person, you know? But...yeah.

**What one thing makes you happy?:**

Waking up on the morning after a full moon, feeling like shit, worried that maybe this time I hurt one of them or they finally got tired of me...and seeing Sirius there sitting by my bed. Waiting quietly for me to wake up. Checking if I am OK. Bringing me some Honeyduke's chocolate and reassuring me they are all fine and want me to get my strength back soon. He is there every month.

**What phrase or saying do you use the most?:**

'Not now, Padfoot/Prongs'. And does it ever get me anywhere?

**What would you do with a million galleons?:**

Live off it. I probably won't be making any money of my own any time soon.

**If your house was burning down and you could only take one thing with you, what would you take?:**

Well, my wand obviously. But if not that then...wait, can I not summon things once I am out? If I can't then...photos? I don't know really.

**Who is the biggest flirt you know?:**

Sirius.

**Are you glad this survey is over?:**

I am glad I can stop spilling my worst secret. But I am not glad that it is nearly time for James to read it.

**Can you name 20 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people.  
><strong>

Sirius Black

James Potter

Lily Evans

Peter Pettigrew

Mum

Dad

Frank Longbottom

Severus Snape

Dumbledore

McGonagall

Mary McDonald

Dorcas Meadows

Slughorn

Regulus Black

Filch

Bertha Jorkins

Greta Catchlove

Dirk Cresswell

Petunia Evans

Marlene McKinnon

**THE QUESTIONS:**

• **How did you meet number 10?  
><strong>McGonagall teaches us Transfiguration.

• **What would you do if 20 and 17 dated?**

Marlene and Greta? Not care in the slightest. In fact I would be pleased, it would keep them both away from sticking their tongues down Sirius's throat.

**• If you could marry either 7 or 18 who would it be?**  
>Oh dear, Frank or Dirk? Well I am going Frank because he is a nice guy and I don't really know Dirk very well. But I do not want to marry Frank. Ever. Please don't make me.<p>

• **Have you ever seen 4 cry?**

Pete? No, actually. I think he is a little dead inside.

• **Would 4 and 12 make a good couple?**

No. Well...I don't know. Peter and Dorcas? Maybe... but she could do better. Please don't tell Peter that! I don't mean to sound harsh to him. Anyway, Marauder code is not to get with any other marauders' exes. Even Sirius complies with that rule.

• **Would number 1 and 20 make a good couple?**  
>No. Sirius and Marlene? I've already had to watch that. He could do better. I wish he wouldn't though. I wish he would just...be a nun or something. Be a nun or be with me. Definitely not with that...oh Remus Lupin, you know you can't even blame her.<p>

• **Describe 8:**  
>Snape, oh dear. He is...he is an unpleasant individual but that isn't helped by James and Sirius bullying him all those years. I did try and stop them. So did Lily. They have stopped now. Ever since...that night.<p>

• **Do you like 12?**

Dorcas, yes I do. I went out with her for a few months last year. I didn't really deserve her, she is very pretty and sweet and I still don't really know what she ever saw in me. I should have known it wasn't going to work though. I really liked her but...with the full moon and the friends who hardly left me alone the whole time and...I don't know. It just sort of fizzled out.

• **Tell me something about 17:**

Greta is very interesting. She is very good with complicated little charms.

• **What's 7's favourite colour?:**

Frank? I have never asked him but I would guess at blue. His Quidditch team wear blue.

• **What would you do if 1 just confessed they like you?:**

I...he won't though. Why even ask me to imagine it? Like I haven't a million times. While pretending diligently I was imagining no such thing. But it hurts. I don't think I would ever, ever believe it wasn't just some prank of his and James's. Look, James, I don't know what I would do, OK? How about you just let me stop this now. You've laughed at me enough by now, surely? Ha ha ha, look at poor Remus, a werewolf _and_ in love with his straight best friend. And now you are looking at me like you don't know why I have gone all red with anger. You thought this would be a nice experience for me did you? You thoughtless bastard.

• **When was the last time you talked to number 15?:**

Filch? Earlier when I had to try and rationalise the other three out of a detention.

• **How do you think 19 feels about you?:**

Petunia has never met me. And she probably hasn't heard of me either. I think Lily tries to tell her things but she refuses to listen. Lily has probably mentioned me to deaf ears.

• **What language does 13 speak?:**

Slughorn speaks English.

**• What year is 16 in?:**

Bertha has left now. She was three years above us. She just popped into my mind because I thought we had to do some random ones.

**•** **What is 6's favourite music?**  
>Dad loves jazz. Just like me.<p>

**•** **Would you ever date 3?:**

Calm down, James, no I would not date Lily. She is one of my best friends and also my other best friend's girlfriend.

**• Is 10 single?:**

McGonagall? I...I assume so...I've never really thought about it. Or heard otherwise.

**• What is 11's last name?:**  
>Mary McDonald.<p>

**•** **Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 7?**  
>Wow, this thing really seems to love me and Frank. No I wouldn't. He loves Alice and I love Sirius. Oh I <em>am<em> glad I wrote that again, it had been at least a few minutes since that has been brought up.

**• Where does 18 live?**  
>Dirk? I have no idea.<p>

**• What do you think about 20?**  
>Marlene? The jealous wolf inside of me wants to call her a slut. But then I would have to think that about a lot of the female population of Hogwarts with the criteria I seem to be going on. And in all fairness, she did nothing I wouldn't do if he wanted it. She is a Gryffindor. She is, from what I know, alright.<p>

**•What is the best thing about 4?  
><strong>Peter...he became an Animagus for me.

**• What would you like to tell 14 right now?**  
>Regulus? That he is making the stupidest mistake of his life, losing Sirius. Sirius would be the best brother in the world if he let him.<p>

**• How did you meet 9?**  
>Dumbledore is my headmaster who I admire beyond words. I am indebted to him.<p>

**• What is the best and worst thing about 2?  
>Best thing: <strong>James. He is a very loyal friend who I know cares about me. I am sorry I called him a thoughtless bastard just now.**  
>Worst thing: <strong>He acts before he thinks.

**• Are you going to know 3 forever?**  
>Lily? I really hope so. If I ever stopped it would mean I had lost her and most likely James as well. And I wouldn't want to lose either of those people, ever.<p>

**•Would you ask number 5 out?**

That is my mother, do not be disgusting.

**• What word comes into your head when you think of number** **9?**

Dumbledore? Gratitude.

**AN: So there we have it :) the end of Remus's answers. Let me know if you want what happens next and I may just write it.**


End file.
